Derby Therapy...Cancelled

One from the archives:

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

You know it's a boring day when I post a blog thingy twice.

So derby practice was el cancelled last night (which, for those of you who are bilingually challenged, means: the cancelled). A lot of us really really needed it. And by needed it, I mean we wanted to kick some ass and get our asses kicked all at the same time....

What's that you say?

That is not possible...oh yes it is my friend. Oh. yes. it. is.

You see, my coach love, love, loves derby. And even more than that, I think she love, love, loves to try to kill me. In the same way that I love, love, love to try to mess with people...only when I do it there is waaaay less sweat, blood, bruises, and tears.

For a while I thought she might be the anti-christ. BUT then I realized that she wants us to be grrrrreat!, like Frosted Flakes. And I don't really want to argue with someone whose biceps are bigger than my head or who can remain in the derby stance for hours and days on end. Because that scares me. Someone that can do that.

In fact, that is a grrrre-ATE way to judge if someone can totally whoop you. If they can keep their knees bent like that. For very very long periods of time. I mean INSANELY long periods of time. And it's in such a stance that my legs would be cramping up within a few short milliseconds.
Seriously, she is a really good coach, though. Because if she wasn't, she wouldn't have that ability to stand like that. And now she's trying to teach ME to stand like that...on skates...and skate like that. Which I can now do...for a little while.

So, as I said, we (the team) totally needed practice last night. Because BF was a wrestler in high school, so trying out derby moves on him ends up getting me pinned and smacked in the forehead. Repeatedly. And he was in the Army so he knows all this other survival crap AND as if all that isn't enough to make me feel inferior he also used to do some martial arts class that I am pretty sure taught him the five-finger death punch. AND then, get this, the jerk can roller skate like a flippin swan! So I pretty much have nothing left on him. Dammit.

Derby vs. Snow

From my blog archives:

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ok so I am totally stoked about roller derby season. I was so focused on making every single practice. I was all, "I'm gonna skate even with this painful blood blister cuz I am one tough derby bitch!" Oh yeah! Leg whips, regular whips, hip checks, bruises...BRING IT!

Then snow happened. And I just don't drive in this shit. And now I have totally stripped myself of all tough derby bitchness. (No, NOT bitchiness....BITCH-NESS).
Because I am a sissy when it comes to driving in bad weather. I have debilitating panic attacks as soon as any type of cold weather precipitation hits the pavement.

So basically I am not scared of getting hit by some derby chick or breaking a leg in a bout...but the thought of merely driving on ice or snow makes me want to barf. Makes my heart try to crawl its way up my chest and escape through my tongue. By beating alone.
That all happens over bridges as well. A combo that was inevitable tonight...but at least BF was driving. I was hyperventilating into my coat and trying to scratch the skin off his hand.

He would have totally driven me back to practice too, but I don't think my nerves could handle it. Being pushed around a flat track, yes. Driving in the snow...not so much.